Fix you
by Dakuburinga
Summary: A Song!Fic to the relationship between Joseph Cousland and Alistair. Eventual slash.


**Length: **1,6801 words (2,383 including optional sequence)

**Note:** Song!Fic done to _Fix you _by Coldplay. M!Cousland and Alistair friendship and eventual slash. It jumps around, hopefully not too confusing. Criticism is appreciated. I'd like to dedicate this fic to two people. One who inspired me many years ago to pursue my love of the arts and better my style and even my imagination. And the other who has inadvertently taught me so much about writing, and is the main inspiration behind this piece of work. David and Kerry. If it turns out this thing sucks, I'm sorry for embarrassing you. :) (Warning! Final sequence is M/M. Fair ye be warned)

_"The tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace"_

Alistair woke up to see Joseph shivering near the fire, sitting in an upright fetal position and his face was stained from tears and his normally bright blue eyes were dim and half-lidded. The blonde removed himself from his bedroll and positioned himself next to the warden, resting a hand on his shoulder. Joseph furrowed his brow and buried his face in his knees, shaking his head. Alistair looked around the clearing where they camped at the quiet tents of their comrades, silent, except for the crackle of the small fire in front of them.

"Um, are you alright, Joseph?" Alistair asked quietly, cautious.

And Joseph broke. Everything he had ever learned about composing himself for the public, to wear a mask to hide what you really felt or thought, it never worked around his fellow warden. Something about Alistair always caused him to lay his soul bare and he couldn't quite understand it. And right now he didn't want to. Tears stung his eyes as he raised his head, "I failed them. I killed them…"

Alistair furrowed his brow, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze. "Killed who?" At this point, it could be any number of people or creatures, but he was curious as to what could put Joseph in such a state of dismay.

"I left them…I watched the castle burn from afar, knowing that I left them to die…" muttered Joseph, and it hit Alistair. His parents. He froze, unsure of what exactly to do, so he waited and listened. Joseph shook, "I could have done more…I should have done more. But I ran, like a coward."

Alistair shook his head, "There was nothing you could do, Joseph. It wasn't your fault." The Templar suddenly felt a great wave of déjà vu, like he had this conversation before. He realized that it was remarkably similar to the one Joseph had with him about Duncan and he felt that this was his turn to return the favor. "You can't dwell on what could have happened, Joe. If you had stayed, you'd be dead now."

"I-I know. I just, wish I could have…could have…" Joseph didn't finish, instead diving into his friend's form and wrapping his arms around him, sobbing into his tunic. Alistair blinked down at this, blushing slightly from embarrassment. He still wasn't used to the blatant displays of affection Joseph often showed him, platonic or not. This, however, felt different to him, much like the first night they left the wilds. With a heavy sigh, Alistair slowly wrapped his arms loosely around Joseph, patting him on the back. He could do this, he understood this.

"It'll be alright. I'm here, I got you." Alistair muttered. And he always would be.

_"When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?"_

It would not have worked out. That's what he told himself, sitting alone at his tent, watching her stare at Joseph. It was an odd sort of love triangle, or square, or whatever, but one where nothing at all came back to him. Alistair groaned, dropping his face in his hands. What a mess he was in. He had watched Leliana during the battles today and nearly gotten himself killed. Her easy laugh, the fiery red hair, soft blue eyes, that accent, and don't even get him started on her personality. Luckily, and he couldn't believe he thanked her, Morrigan had saved him, followed quickly with a rather acidic insult to his intelligence. Joseph had berated her, of course, but Alistair still felt it in his bones.

He felt like that much of the time lately, that he wasn't good enough. For Leliana, least of all, mostly because he was not Joseph, who very obviously was the object of her affection. He wished he could be as confident as his fellow warden, flirting openly and flashing those smiles everywhere that were like Alistair's, but at the same time, not like his. And he guessed that's the part that infuriated him the most. Everything seemed to come so naturally to the junior warden, as if he weren't bothered by anything at all and could shrug off any issue that hit him. Alistair sometimes wanted to hit him for that, give into that heavy stream of jealousy that washed over him every time Leliana gave him that doe-eyed look. But at the same time, he knew better.

Joseph didn't do anything wrong. And he certainly didn't lead Leliana on, or, at least not on purpose. It wasn't he that told her to turn down Alistair's advances. It was all just, unfortunate circumstance, and he was caught in the middle. And, if anything, he was grateful for Joseph being there. The only one of their merry band of misfits that held his ideals and suggestions with esteem and actually listened to what he had to say was Joseph and, on occasion, Wynne. Morrigan opinion of him was obvious, Leliana only agreed with whatever was said after Joseph said anything, Sten didn't say much at all to anyone, Oghren's response to everything was either drink ale or smash it. It was always Joseph at his side, always supporting him, and Alistair didn't want to ruin that friendship with something as petty over jealousy.

It still didn't change the fact that he was lonely, though. And the woman he desperately wanted to be with had no interest in pursuing that road. He flicked a little piece of dirt away from his feet, feeling like doing nothing else rather than sulk by himself for the rest of the night. But his alone time was cut short by a warm body that had hunkered down next to and leaned against him. Alistair looked up to see a pair joyful eyes looking right back at him.

"Broody doesn't look good on you, Ali," said Joseph, chuckling and nudging him with his elbow. And for the life of him, he didn't want to, but Alistair couldn't help but smile.

"I was going for a new look. The mysterious one with all the inner demons." He jibed.

Joseph rubbed his chin, mocking a thoughtful expression, "I'm pretty sure you'd have to change your hair for that."

"Well, there goes that plan." Alistair sighed. It was more heavy than it should have been, and Joseph could hear all the inner angst he was grappling with in that one sound. He patted the blonde's shoulder and stood.

"Come on, come sit next to me at the fire." He didn't bother waiting for Alistair to reply, instead dragging him to his feet and pulling him over to where most everyone was. Morrigan had her own fire, as usual. And for a while, Alistair could pretend that Leliana was staring at him while he sat next to Joe. Maybe one day, he wouldn't have to pretend.

_"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones…"_

Joseph and Alistair sat against the wall of one of the many halls in Redcliffe Castle, an undead felled at their feet. Joseph reached up to run his fingers through his hair, looking over at the pile of the creatures they had killed as well. They had gone in alone, leaving the other's outside in case the undead launched another attack on the village, and Joseph was already starting to regret the decision.

"Thank the Maker you kept up those Templar abilities, Alistair. We'd be dead without them…" he motioned to the body at their feet, which had donned tattered robes.

Alistair grinned through his heavy breathing, kicking the body away, "Well, I guess something good came out of all that training at the chantry then. Never was home though," he paused, frowning to himself, "No, the Grey Wardens were the first place that felt like home. Freeing."

Joseph nodded idly, only half listening as he looked around the corner. Seeing no more of the creatures wandering about in the halls, he grabbed Alistair and headed forward. However, more were waiting for them behind almost every door. It wasn't long before they made it to the larder, leaving a trail of dead monsters behind them. They sat in the back on a couple of barrels, sharing a health poultice they found in one of the many overturned cabinets. After a few minutes of catching their breath and tending to wounds Alistair cleared his throat, "So, what about you?"

"What about me?" said Joseph, leaning his head against the stone wall.

"Do you, have anywhere you consider home?" Alistair asked. Joseph blinked, turning his head slowly over to the Templar, looking like someone just told him Morrigan confessed her love for the blonde.

"You want to discuss that _now_? Here, of all places?"

Alistair shrugged, looking down at his feet, "Well, why not? Lighten the mood."

Joseph let out a short laugh in disbelief, his eyes casting up to the ceiling. He thought about that question for a moment. Castle Cousland, if it wasn't burned down, was likely overrun by Howe's men, his family dead and missing. Where did he belong? Where would he want to go? Joseph let out a long breathe he didn't realize he was holding, "I guess my home is with the Grey Wardens, " He looked over and gave Alistair his lop-sided grin they seemed to share, "With you."

The senior warden blinked at him with bewilderment. An odd warmth spread throughout his body from somewhere in his chest at those words, that smile. He wasn't sure what it was, but it felt similar to when Duncan had saved him from the chantry and made him a Grey Warden. He chuckled softly, mirroring that smile, "Really? I guess…I guess I like the sound of that."

Joseph chuckled, nodding towards the exit of the larder, "C'mon, let's save the rest of this castle." The two gave each other a nod before bursting through the door and out into the courtyard, into the rest of the swarming undead, as comrades.

_"And I will try, to fix you."_

Madness, that's what it was. Pure, utter, madness. Or at least that's what Alistair thought. But yet, that's the conclusion he came to. He was in love, again. For the first time since Leliana vanished from his life, he had feelings for someone else. Of course, the person in question he wouldn't have expected of himself. And that very person was staring him down in disbelief.

He had spent the better part of a month reflecting on these feelings he was having. Why now? Was it only recently? Or was it under the surface? The latter made sense, when he looked back on their relationship with each other since they met. The talks they shared, the way they could have entire conversations without speaking a word, nights spent consoling each other over nightmares, sorrows, and Maker knew what kind of terrors would grip them. Alistair wondered how he could have been so blind, but that seemed to answer itself too with the memories of red hair. But that was then, and this is now. And right now, he was trying to figure a way out of this, to make it okay.

Joseph couldn't believe his ears. He had just walked in on Alistair talking to himself, which in retrospect wasn't all that odd, but what he said is what hit him like a ton of bricks. 'I'm in love with Joseph.' Wait, what? When did that happen? Sure Joseph loved Alistair, he always had, like a brother and then something a little bit more. It was impossible not to, but he had long ago accepted the fact that Alistair didn't swing that way, or so he thought. The gravity of this confession left him standing there like a villager looks at a charging bear. Which wasn't at all reassuring to Alistair, it seemed, when he sighed in defeat and hung his head.

"I'll head to Weisshaupt…" he said, "The last thing I want is this, awkwardness." Blindsided again! Joseph couldn't believe Alistair thought he wouldn't want to be around him, after all they had been through. So when Alistair turned, looking like someone kicked his puppy, Joseph grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

The blonde didn't have time to protest before a pair of lips crashed against his. The armor they had on made it slightly awkward and uncomfortable, but Joseph didn't care. It felt like a piece of him had fit into place with Alistair in his arms, like he fixed something that he had no idea was broken. Alistair was stiff through it, surprised more than anything, and when the Warden Commander's lips left his, all he could do was stare in confusion.

Joseph chuckled, "And they call me over dramatic." Alistair blushed, unable to say much now. His mind was too busy rolling on the floor somewhere. Out of all possible outcomes, he hadn't expected this one. Though he guessed he should have. He knew Joseph better than anyone else, but the fear of rejection lingered heavily on him. The Warden Commander rolled his eyes and kissed the Second again. This time, Alistair returned it, impassioned and relieved, taking control and wrapping his armored arms around Joseph. He wasn't going anywhere, not for a while.

That was until one of the guards cleared his throat loudly. The Commander and his Second broke apart, both blushing furiously although Joseph looked oddly pleased with himself. The blushing recruit bowed, told them that there was someone here to see them, and had come to inform them. With a wave, Joseph sent him away and glanced back at Alistair who looked like he might permanently turn red.

"We'll talk later," Joseph whispered, then paused, "If, this is what you want…"

Alistair nodded quickly, unable to hide the grin that made its way onto his face. "Yes, I want this."

The Warden Commander nodded and stepped through the doors, turning to wait for Alistair to come along who immediately trotted up the steps, feeling much more chipper. The two of them had always been together, he thought, following Joseph through the Keep. It had always been and if he had anything to say about it, they would always be. Until the very end.


End file.
